Do you have a mission-driven career? Or work for a mission-driven organization? Generally speaking, mission-driven organizations are known for working beyond the goal of earning profits and “seek to change the world for the better in some way. These [organizations] are committed to solving social problems and demonstrate responsibility for supporting positive change.” (Thanks Oyster HR for this definition!)
Whether through my health care-related legal work or the community-building and working parent support I engage in through Mindful Return, the term “mission-driven” is one I absolutely identify with. Even though it’s not a word I tend to use frequently and haven’t ever really talked about on this blog.
Today, I’m honored to invite a fellow mama with a mission-driven career to share her reflections on her own motherhood identity shift. Joni Hirsch Kaden is here to share some insightful observations about how her mission-driven career prepared her – in some surprising ways – for parenthood. Welcome, Joni!
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I have always identified strongly with my work. From my first job out of college at a civil rights law firm, to a community network-building team working to build inclusive mixed-income mixed-race neighborhoods, to a nonprofit dedicated to criminal justice policy reform, my work has always felt deeply purposeful. It was my purpose. It was what I was most committed to. And it was what I was most proud of. It was my identity.
Then I gave birth.
Motherhood was a new realm for me. I had no idea how to care for a newborn (or my postpartum self). And I felt thrown into chaos, where my former skillset had no place. I wasn’t sure whether work or home was my North Star.
Yet, as I settled into parenthood, I couldn’t help but notice the overlap between motherhood and my work. I started to see all the ways that my work actually prepared me for my new role as a parent. There are the obvious similarities, yes, including the act of supporting others, giving, being selfless, the deep commitment to building a better world and future, and the need for patience and empathy. But more subtle connections emerged too.
5 Lessons Mission-Driven Work Has Taught Me About Parenthood
As I reflected more deeply on how mission-driven work prepared me for parenthood, I discovered 5 lessons I’d learned from my mission-driven career that are directly applicable to parenthood. Here are those lessons:
- Celebrate the small wins, while maintaining perspective on the bigger picture.
Throughout my career, the missions of the organizations I’ve worked for have been long-term and aspirational. For example, one initiative had the goal of “100% resident success,” where every resident of the community was stably housed and personally thriving. We were a long way from achieving that goal. Yet we intentionally built authentic relationships, knocked on hundreds of doors, held dozens of community gatherings and slowly, slowly made an impact.
Toggling back and forth between the daily ups and downs and the big-picture end goal was challenging. Mentors showed me, however, that social change is made up of thousands of small acts. Each builds upon another. To keep ourselves going, we took the time to celebrate small wins. For example, when a single community member showed up to a neighborhood event for the first time since they’d lived there. (This, after the dozens of unanswered door knocks and cut-short conversations that could be considered “unsuccessful”.)
Parenthood, too, presents a constant tension between small everyday moments and big picture goals. (Developmental milestones! A stable, happy childhood! The ability to regulate emotions!) I think about that neighborhood initiative often though and focus on the moments that add up to a win. For example, the first time my son tries (and likes) a new food. His fifth attempt at standing himself back up. Or his joy splashing with a new rubber duck in the bath. I try to remember to celebrate these moments. On the flip side, when my son is having a tantrum because he has decided he’s tired of being in his crib, I try to remember that this one nap doesn’t really matter.
I often fail at appreciating the small positive moments and not lamenting the tough ones. But, just as we go to work each Monday anyway, I wake up the next day and try again.
- Give yourself grace when experiencing inevitable burnout.
Any person with a role dedicated to serving others has surely experienced burnout. Haven’t we all wished we could use vacation days toward parenting? Both types of jobs can be emotionally draining, time-consuming (and long term). They can both encourage us not to have personal boundaries, and they often don’t leave space to prioritize ourselves.
It would be easy to advocate for more “self care.” But one of my greatest takeaways from the burnout I’ve experienced both in work and parenting is the importance of our institutions and systems in providing support. The antidotes to this burnout often transcend taking a short break. (Even though those are nice too!) Give yourself grace. Which brings me to the next lesson.
- Cultivate community.
Neither motherhood nor mission-driven work can be successful when approached alone. They both can be emotionally draining and exceedingly rewarding. We all need teams.
You’ve probably heard the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child.” And if you’re the parent of a newborn, you definitely don’t need to be convinced of its importance. It feels cliché to even mention the importance of community. But what I’ve learned from my work is that community isn’t a single, finite group of people that you turn to for support when you need it. It is a collection of meaningful, authentic, mutual exchanges — of wisdom, resources, ideas, experience, and time. It takes a lot of intention and action to cultivate and maintain our communities.
Finding and nurturing the right community as a parent can be particularly difficult. It’s both time consuming and socially tiring, at a time when we’re often feeling depleted. (And possibly at a time when we think we already have all the friends we need.)
One intentional community space I am working to cultivate right now is a discussion group for parents with careers in this kind of “mission-driven” work (non-profits, education, other public service, etc.). When I was returning from maternity leave, I wish I’d had the opportunity to reflect, process, and navigate the complicated transition with others experiencing the same.
- Integrate your personal and professional pathways by staying true to your values.
Having always been proud of my work, and proud to share what I do, I had somewhat of an identity crisis when my priorities shifted toward my family. I am learning that – similar to the path toward societal change, the path of career, priorities, and identity is also long and winding.
What might look like a “step back,” re-prioritization, or change of direction in the short term, is in fact just a steppingstone to your next move. My work has taught me to stay patient, authentic, and true to my values. And I’m excited to teach my son the importance of purposeful work.
5. Bring snacks.
All work – whether professional or personal – is accomplished better with snacks. Don’t forget them.
Joni Hirsch Kaden is a coach, group facilitator, community engagement consultant, and founder of The Next Push. She facilitates discussion groups for Mothers in Mission-Driven Work to explore the complexities of trying to do both. If you are interested in joining, please reach out to joni@thenextpush.com, or you can sign up here. Joni has a Master’s in City Planning and has worked at organizations dedicated to housing, the criminal legal system, community development, and civil rights to advance racial and economic justice. She lives in Columbia Heights, DC with her husband and son.
Want more practical tips on working parenthood? Check out my book, Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave
