Though commercialized, Valentines and Galentines days do (happily) often prompt us to think about the friends, family members, and those we love in our lives. This year was no exception. Though it was a few days ago, a member of our Mindful Return community, Jane Yamaykin, was inspired to share with us her message to those of her friends who do not have children. (You may remember Jane from her insightful post back in November entitled Lessons My Husband’s “Dad Approach” to Parenthood Have Taught Me About Calmer Parenting.)
Please find her beautiful words below, and be sure to share them with any friends in your village who need this reminder today. (Also, listen to the We Can Do Hard Things Podcast Episode 278: The Power of Child-Free Women with Ruby Warrington, for an important conversation about the importance of identities outside of motherhood.)
Here is Jane’s letter.
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My Dear Sweet Friend,
This letter has been in my heart for a long time. I want you to know even as a mom and a spouse, our friendship still matters immensely to me. You are still an integral part of my village. You are a vital tether to the me I was before I metamorphosed into these other selves. I am still her, and sometimes I miss her.
With you, I get to reconnect and rediscover those past selves. I will always be nostalgic for our shared meandering coffee days. Days with hours spent standing in long lines for pie on Pi Day. I might do these things with my children one day. But it will never be the same as it was in our 20s and 30s, before growing older continued to add responsibilities and new realities to our perspectives.
I want you to know: I’m delighted to regale you with tales of the children’s antics and milestones. And it’s also OK for us not to talk about them at all. And to talk of other things. In fact, sometimes I find I get sucked too much into talking only about the kids – especially with other parents. You help me remember there is so much more to who I am! I love sharing the funny, intelligent, adventurous, and creative parts of you and myself with the kids. And I also want you to know it’s ok to want me to yourself. I want that too!
We have been friends for over 15 years. Yet in 10 years these fledglings in my home will start separating – if not sooner. And before any of us realize it, they will make their own ways into the world. I hope so much when that day comes, you are next to me guiding the way into our next adventures. Into our next selves.
I’m so grateful and glad to have you in my life after all these years. No one else I ever meet will know me as not a mom. I appreciate you and your friendship more than you might ever know. So I wanted to make sure that you DO know. We might not share playdates or have a shared lived experience of parenthood, and it’s totally OK. It actually is incredibly valuable and precious.
I love you, friend. You are my village.
Jane Yamaykin has worked in the nonprofit sector for over 20 years and has dedicated her skills and talents to the National Council of Jewish Women (NCJW) since March 2020. She and her husband have three children under 5 – including a set of very active toddler twins. Jane’s favorite parts of parenting are connecting with other parents and sharing her passions for farmers markets, libraries, and crafts with her little ones. And of course, cuddles with the kids.
Want more practical tips on working parenthood? Check out my book, Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave
