The first two months of 2024 were dark for me.  Dark in the cold season of winter, yes.  But also dark emotionally.  As I alluded to in earlier blog posts this year (about asking for help, practicing self-compassion, and the healing powers of walking), I felt many times like I had lost my footing.  My family was in crisis, and I felt like I was crumbling.

Windy March blew in a new phase of this journey, though.  Things seemed better.  But for the first few weeks of the month, I was jumpy.  Skittish.  Constantly worried something was about to go wrong.  A few things did go awry, yes.  Most things didn’t.  And now that the month is more than half over, I’m trusting the steadiness a bit more.  Settling into a new rhythm.  Bringing “normal” back, bit by bit.

This morning, on my walk to drop off my youngest son at our local elementary school, I stopped to marvel at the cherry blossoms in full bloom in our neighborhood.  The change in seasons just happens to match the change in the emotions of our family.  Dark to light.  Struggle to ease.  Many tears to more joy.

Crumble, Rebuild, and Revel: A Cycle

I’ve been finding solace lately in thinking of things as a predictable cycle.  One of crumbling, rebuilding, and reveling in the joy of some stability.

You can start anywhere in the cycle, of course (as it simply repeats!), but for me, this year started as a crumble.  When people you love are in crisis, everything stops.  Plans and schedules crumble.  I stopped being able to commit to calls and meetings.  Stopped cooking.  Stopped going to my book club’s monthly meetings.  And most crushingly, stopped feeling hopeful.

When the crisis subsided (as they do, eventually, I had to keep reminding myself), I entered a phase that felt like it was time to start putting some of the broken pieces back together again, but perhaps in a new way.  I’ve discovered that *rest* is such an important part of this rebuilding phase.  Crises are exhausting, and I found it didn’t serve me to jump straight back into “all the things” without taking the time to pause.  Nourish myself.  And think very intentionally about how I want to move forward.  So for now, I’m re-building my schedule a little bit at a time.  Phasing back in things like cooking, weekly planning meetings with my hubby, routinely reviewing expenses, and playing with my kids.

Perhaps in the coming weeks I’ll have added everything back that I want to add back in.  (Without adding back things that weren’t serving me.)  Perhaps some of the PTSD of the crisis will have faded.  And then, perhaps, I’ll pause to celebrate and revel in the new state of calm.

Knowing that everything – whether wonderful or terrible, light or dark, unpleasant or pleasant – will end and go through this cycle gives me hope.  And I do mean everything goes through a cycle.  Some cycles are longer – like seasons, or parental leave and return, or entire lives.  (Or the success of the Washington Nationals!)  Some cycles are much shorter.  Like my kids’ hunger cycles – they crumble when they’re hangry, eat to rebuild, and revel in feeling full.  Or our kitchen – which starts off worthy of reveling in cleanliness and order before a meal, crumbles during cooking, and which we rebuild after eating.

What Helps You, When You’re Emerging from a Dark Place?     

Given I’m in a big rest and re-building phase in my personal life, I’m thinking hard about what actions support the re-building process.  Going slowly seems to help.  Not adding everything back right away makes things not as overwhelming.  Not expecting perfection and being patient with myself when things don’t go as planned is good, too.

Finally, I’m interested in how to use this as a time to create structures, mindsets, and habits – for my family and for myself – that are even healthier than pre-crisis.  I don’t want to simply jump back into the “old”, but to create sustainable practices for the future.

What helps you when you’re in re-building phase?  Please leave a note in comments below, as I’m taking ideas and inspiration from everywhere right now!

Want more practical tips on working parenthood?  Check out my book, Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave