I’m sure that as a working parent, you’ve been told to ask for help.  You’ve been told to lean on your village.  Get support.  And don’t try to muscle through.

But if you’re anything like me, you’ve also ignored that message from time to time.  Figured you’d just sort things out on your own.  Perhaps you’ve thought it was simply easier to do things yourself.

In early parenthood, I definitely ignored the “ask for help” advice often.  But a decade+ of intentionally practicing the skill of asking for help and building the “saying yes when people offer support” muscle came in handy in a big way these past few weeks.

2024 didn’t start the way our family had hoped.  While respecting family privacy, I’ll share that we were in crisis mode for a few weeks, and we’re just now coming into a new normal.  During this time, many wonderful, kind, and generous people offered help.  And my husband and I leaned into accepting it.

One particularly tough evening, my parents reiterated their offer to drive up to DC from Asheville, NC.  “But it’s a long drive.  It’s an inconvenience to them, and it’s expensive…” my brain chattered on and on.  At 3:30am, though, I woke up, turned to my husband who was also awake, and said, “They should come.  We should say yes.”  And so they came.

This past week, my dear husband Jason Levin, a career coach, wrote the New Year’s edition of his monthly Ready Set Launch newsletter.  When I read it, I was so proud of and inspired by his vulnerability – particularly from the standpoint of a dad in our society – that I wanted to share his message with you this week.

Here are Jason’s wise words.  Take heed, and please know that growing your capacity to receive – not just give – help as a working parent, is an important life skill.

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This was not the newsletter I was planning to write to kick off 2024.  You might have expected some image of a champagne cork popping and some inspiring message around goals, intentions or new possibilities.  That will be for another newsletter.

This newsletter will be about crisis.  Pure personal crisis.

In our household, we have been in crisis for the past two weeks.  A tidal wave event where you practically need to drop everything.  The type of situation where you HAVE to focus on your family. My titles of both husband and father have tested me to my limits.

I am not ok.  Not at all.  Yesterday, I was catching up with a friend for coffee and he asked me, “How are you? How is the family?”  I just started crying.

As someone who works in a helping profession, I have found myself in a unique position.  I needed help.  My wife needed help.  Our family needed help.  I had a realization that my talented wife and I could not handle what was happening alone.

And in this vulnerable moment, we asked for help.  My wife asked.  I asked.

My wife’s parents came in from North Carolina to help.

My approach to mental health shifted towards a focus on daily intentions. Immediately, I took more frequent breaks during the day.  I focused on my breathing, and I made sure to do some form of exercise routine daily.  My father-in-law, a retired physician, was a great accountability partner in gently nudging me to watch out for my “amygdala hijack.”  I meditated and did thoughtful movement poses with my mother-in-law, a retired therapist.  I found a need to put on my own oxygen mask on a daily basis.  The combination of these daily activities cleared my head and allowed me to focus on the next task at hand.

With my therapist, I shifted the conversation from all my hopes and dreams for the upcoming year to just talking through what was going on.  What it meant to be in crisis.  What it meant to be in something completely out of your control.  A true traumatic event. The ability to comprehend and understand my feelings from all this will be an ongoing discussion with my myself, my lovely wife, my family and friends in the weeks and months ahead. I value my partnership with my therapist.  In my discussions with her, I have chosen a new word for the year: UNBREAKABLE.

As someone who watched my mom always offer up a meal when another family was in crisis, I am reminded how important being cared for is. The simple act of not needing to think, “Is it my turn to make dinner? Is it my wife’s turn to make dinner?” was incredibly helpful.  So many friends just offered, and I am grateful for their generosity in the past two weeks.

Having preached about the importance of relationships and friendships, my heart is warmed knowing there are so many people who care about us.  I keep reminding myself it is ok to be vulnerable. It is ok to let someone else take care of you. It is ok to lean on your tribe.  Your community.

My wife also showed incredible strength and grace in an incredibly difficult time.  I am blessed.  My partner.  My anchor. Someone who did not give up and gave her everything in support of our family.  While the worst of the crisis has ended, there will be some important actions needed for our family in this next phase. I feel lucky to have a life partner who shares my world view on the importance of sharing emotions and feelings.  The importance of being present and supportive.  The importance of not judging someone for their shortcomings.  And the importance of advocating for your family until a resolution is discovered.  To infinity!

If you have read this to the very end, I want to let you know there are people in your network who can support you in a difficult time.  Let’s continue to make authentic and genuine connections in 2024.  Real discussions.  One day at a time. One supportive conversation and interaction at a time.

Remember.  If you are going through a rough time, ask for help.

In Gratitude,
Jason

Want more practical tips on working parenthood?  Check out my book, Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave