In times of transition, I find myself looking for touchpoints.  Touchpoints that connect me to myself.  Remind me to slow down.  And bring me joy.

I try to remind myself – and everyone in the Mindful Return community – that transitions like the return to work after parental leave, the return to work after vacation, and the return to school in the fall, are all processes, not events.  “Back to work after baby” isn’t just a one-day or one-week occurrence.  It’s a year-long transition period.  Back-to-school isn’t just a morning photo op.  It’s the entire month of September.

As we start this several-week-long reintegration process in our house, with 6th and 8th graders who are now both in middle school, I’ll be looking for these touchpoints and reminders each week throughout the month of September.  I recently stumbled upon one such touchpoint that I wanted to share with you.

A few weeks ago, as I was turning back on my phone’s “vibrate” function after having silenced it, I discovered a fun trick.  (Note: I have an iPhone, but Google tells me this functionality is possible for Android users, too.)  The trick is this: you can set your vibration to a pattern of your own choosing.  For example, I set mine to a series of “long, short-short long…long, short-short long.”  To me, this sounds like “Allez les bleus!  Allez les bleus!” a.k.a. the chant the French fans shouted at the Olympic soccer match we attended in Lyon a few weeks ago.

Now, when someone texts me, my reaction isn’t an amygdala hijack.  (“Help! What do they want! What do I need to do?!”)  Instead, my brain gets a dopamine hit.  A smile comes to my face, as I think of being in the crowd at that soccer game.

Is there a song, a phrase, or a chant that can take you back to something happy?  That can remind you of a slower time?  If so, here’s how to incorporate it into your own smart phone (these are the iPhone instructions):

1. Go to Settings.
2. Scroll down and click on “Sounds and Haptics.”
3. Click on “Text Tone.”
4. Then click on “Haptics.”
5. Under the category called “Custom,” click on “Create New Vibration.”
6. Tap out the pattern you’d like your vibration to be, while the phone records your taps.
7. Once you get the pattern you want, give it a name. Then click on that name to select it.
8. When you press the back button to go back to “Text Tone,” you should now see the name of your custom vibration next to the word “Haptics.” Voila!

If you decide to give this a try, I’d love to know what song, phrase, or chant you turn your vibration into.  (Do leave me a note in the comments below!)

There are a million other ways to remember to slow down during this transition period, of course.   You can set your computer password to something that puts a smile on your face.  You can take time out for micro-mindfulness during a commute.  Perhaps drinking tea in the morning is your jam.  Whatever works for you, build it into your routine, so you don’t have to remember, consciously, to do it.  Because you’ve got a lot on your mind right now, I know.  The mental load of transitions is real.

Touchpoints in Poetry

Another touchpoint that connects me to myself and reminds me to slow down is writing poetry.  Putting a real pen on a real piece of paper grounds me.  In case you missed it on social media this past week, I’m sharing here a poem that reminds me of the slow parts of summer.  I hope these words can be a touchpoint for you, too.

Instructions to Myself on How to Return
 to Real Life After Vacation

Home holds:
unpacked bags,
tall grass,
unpaid bills,
dirty clothes,
unopened mail,
knee-high weeds,
an empty fridge,
and sleepy boys.

Let the joy of home
fill your lungs,
your heart,
and go slow. 

Slow,
     like the little wooden boat on the Loire
     that served goat cheese.

Slow,
     like the laundry drying
     on the wire European rack.

Slow,
     like the white cows meandering
     toward us in Villabon.

Slow,
     like Kimsooja’s films
     at the Pinault Collection.

Slow,
     like the way I sipped
     my rose-colored kir.

Slow,
     like my son’s browsing
     in tchotchke shops.

Slow,
     like the butter on my tongue
     as it melts a croissant.

Slow,
     like the way I’m hand-writing this poem
     at our souvenir-cluttered kitchen table.

You’ve got this transition period thing, my fellow working parents.  Today, and every day.

Want more practical tips on working parenthood?  Check out my book, Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave