If you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and picture your pre-parent life, can you remember one or two of your pre-baby personal passions?  As I sit here and try this exercise on myself, I see a young woman who taught violin to kids at an urban elementary school.  Someone who wrote – and once or twice performed – a bunch of poetry.  A devotee of all things French, travel, Embassy events, and foreign films.  Nostalgia came for a friendly visit when I thought about her just now.

I smile at these memories, but only if I sit here without judgment.  Without criticism for somehow “neglecting” my long-lost passions.  My smile fades, though, if I fall into a swirl of envy or loss.  This era of my life with children is wild and wonderful and full of both unimagined horrors and unimagined delights.  It’s natural that I’ve moved on from some of the things that used to fill my time.

And yet, I’m here to remind you that it’s not too late to bring back those interests we want to revive.  Why it’s not only important – but life-giving – that we do.

But I Have No Time for Personal Passions…

Have I guessed correctly your first objection to my reminder?  Who among us has the hours – or the energy – for those things we used to do before we became parents, when time felt abundant?  Aren’t my kids’ needs and passions more pressing than my own?

I’ve recently discovered (or probably re-discovered…it seems I’m always learning the same things over and over) a funny thing about time, though.  This past year, I’ve “had less time” than ever in my life.  My kids have been in the hospital, we have a rolodex of about ten specialists we now see on the regular, I had pneumonia for the entire month of July, and I could go on.  And yet this same year is the year both my businesses have done their best.  And it’s the year when I’ve revived a real and regular creative writing practice.

For about the past decade, I’ve managed to keep a commitment to myself of writing one poem per year.  (Yes, I intentionally set the bar low.)  Every fall, my “poem writing season” reminded me how much I loved this creative outlet.  It wasn’t until about a year ago, though, when I took the invitation to join Amy Henderson, my friend, colleague, and author of Tending: Parenthood and the Future of Work, for a two-hour writing “jam,” that I realized I could do this more often.  That I needed to do this more often.  That my life was both more full of beauty – and more manageable – when I had this creative writing outlet.

I hold SO much gratitude for Amy Henderson, for nurturing this spark of interest in me last year.  Because of her, I’ve had a weekly space for gently holding and expressing the most tender of feelings during a very dark year.  Because of her, I’ve committed to writing a memoir about family creation, and I’ve hired a memoir coach.  If any part of you feels more at home in this world when you write words on a page, I urge you to join one of Amy’s upcoming 2-hour Writing Jams.  (You can sign up here, and Amy gave me a coupon code for you to use for $15 off the session price: FriendOfAFriend.)

Why was it that I had to feel up against a wall and desperate for my own creative outlet before I finally made the time to write?  My wish for you is that you need not be pressed so thin to return to a passion you have loved.

Need More Stories and Inspiration?

Sure, Lori, that sounds nice, you may be muttering.  It worked for you, but I still don’t see how I can do this “find time for a passion” thing with my [fill in the blank ages of children + work commitments + family caregiving + and + and + and…].  I hear you, fellow working parent.  Really, I do.  And at the same time, I’ll leave you with three more points of potential inspiration:

• One of our Mindful Return alums, Charlotte Kesl, mama to a still-little one, came to a Mindful Return retreat we held for our alumni in Washington, DC, in September.  A documentary photographer who had gotten away from her creative craft, Charlotte was craving a return to her photography passion.  She committed at the retreat to reigniting the flame of this important piece of her identity.  In under a month, she had a new website to share with us: Charlotte Kesl Photography.  (If you live in DC and are looking for a photographer for you or your family, reach out to her!)  We are cheering you on, Charlotte.
• Have you heard of Eve Rodsky’s book, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World? It’s an excellent read on the topic of reviving and finding creative passions.  I interviewed Eve about her book a while back, and you can listen to the replay of our conversation here.
• Maybe those passions and activities you had before kiddos arrived on the scene simply don’t interest you anymore. That’s good, too, and it doesn’t mean you don’t have it in you to find a new spark!  Pay attention to what makes you a little bit jealous.  What makes you feel a little bit of envy, even if it’s related to an activity your kids are participating in.  Last week, I took my first-ever tennis lesson – as a 45-year old adult.  Why?  Because my boys started learning to play, and I thought to myself, “hey, I wish I’d learned how to do that!”  Did I do a lot of laughing at myself during that lesson?  You bet.  And laughter is exactly what I need right now.

What passion are you craving space and time for?  To whom can you hold yourself accountable for making even a small commitment to dabble in this joy?  If it’s this community, drop a note in comments below, and we’ll cheer you on from Mindful Return land!