How long should a new mama take off for maternity leave? Would that there were a simple formula. Or that our choices in the United States weren’t limited by deplorable maternity leave policies. (That’s a blog post for another day…).
Practically speaking, and given the constraints of the current laws where you live, how can you figure this out? Especially if you haven’t yet had a baby, so you don’t have any concept of what it’s like to give birth, how you’ll feel about being home, or what your baby will need?
I think the “right” answer is truly different for every woman. It’s a combination of what your employer will allow. How much time you can afford to take financially. How much time you can afford to take project- or career-wise. And your own thoughts on when you think you might be ready to go back.
I was very lucky to be able to take about 20 weeks with my first baby and 16 weeks with my second. Around the 4-month mark, I was pretty ready to go back with both of them. I admit I felt extremely fortunate not to have had to go back right at month 3, though, when my first baby went through a massive (and I mean waking-up-every-90-minutes during the night for a few weeks, massive) sleep regression. Sadly, this is fairly typical for that age and stage. Having to function at work on that little night time sleep would have been a disaster. Not that the 3-hour stretches I got when I did go back were much better, but they were an improvement.
With my first baby, I managed to be paid throughout my leave. My then-employer provided only a one-week paid maternity leave. But I had carried over 4 weeks of sick-leave from another job, and I cobbled together other vacation and sick days. With all the illnesses that come with having a baby in daycare, though, I had pretty much run out of sick leave by the time baby #2 came along two years later. That time, about half my leave was paid for through a combination of paid leave and vacation time, and the other half I had to finance myself.
Here are some questions to ask as you consider the question of how long to take off:
- What amount of paid or unpaid leave is your employer required to provide you? (Be sure to check out both state and federal laws. The federal Family and Medical Leave Act, for example, requires your employer not to give away your job for 12 weeks, but DC’s version of the Act requires your job be held open for you for 16 weeks.)
- What amount of paid leave does your employer provide?
- How much paid leave can you cobble together through sick days, vacation days, disability benefits, etc.?
- What type of financial cushion do you have? (We started a savings account early for my second maternity leave, knowing it was likely to be partially unpaid, and I “paid” myself out of that account during my leave.)
- How will the length of time you take affect the work you’re doing? Is there a conference or a project you want to return for that will affect the timing of your return?
- What do your ob/gyn and pediatrician say about what’s best for your and your baby’s health?
- Knowing what you know about yourself, how happy will you be at home for an extended period?
- Is the amount of leave you declare now negotiable later? In other words, if you tell your employer you’d like to take 12 weeks, but later you find you’d like to extend it by a week or two, would your employer be open to that conversation? If you said no, are you sure?
- Would your employer be open to phase-back-in options? (For example, I came back 3 days the first week, 4 days the second, and had longer days at work as each week went on. Some employers also automatically offer things like a return to an 80% schedule for the first month back.)
Like so many things in motherhood, there is no easy answer to this question. AND like so many other things in motherhood, you need to decide what works for you and your family, and then run with it. Comparison is the thief of joy: do the best you can with what works for you, mama, and stay connected to others who are going through the return-to-work experience at the same time, so you don’t get isolated in the process.
Mamas, if you’ve already gone out on leave and returned, will you share your experiences on how long you took in the comments below? How long to take off is a question I hear a lot, and I know reading about a variety of experiences will help other new mamas. Thanks in advance for weighing in!
Planning to head back to work after maternity leave? Want to make it a calm, empowering transition and meet other new mamas returning at the same time? Take the next session of the Mindful Return Course.
I was able to take five months with my LO. I know this is not possible for many mamas but everyone told me while I was pregnant to take as much as possible because you”ll never have the opportunity again. With employer leave/disability and vacation I got to four months and took the rest unpaid. Due to unforseen circumstances at work during my leave, I did have to telework some toward the end but at least I wasn’t at the office. My LO wasn’t a great sleeper the first three months and went through the sleep regression at four months at which time we started sleep training. I honestly don’t know how I would have handled going back to work on such little sleep at the time and am in awe of mamas who have to do so!
Thanks for sharing your experience, Catherine. That sleep regression is SO awful…and at least for me, was so unexpected (no one had warned me). Glad you were able to take a full 5 months off – that is fortunate, indeed.
I originally took 26 weeks but have extended another 12 because I’m simply not ready to leave her. I recognize how very fortunate I am to have that option.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience here, Chris!
Fantastic post Lori! And as you mention, definitely a topic that spans the personal and the political spheres of maternal health and women in the workplace. I had initially planned for 4 months total of leave…all unpaid because I am self employed, but I built up a cushion, similar to how you described. At 6 weeks postpartum, one of my husband’s projects (he is also self employed) fell through and we had to re-evaluate. I ended up going back 2 half days a week at 2 months, bumped up to 3 half days a week at 3 months, 3 full days at 5 months, and now 7 months postpartum I work 3.5 full days. I feel very fortunately to be able to have that ability to transition back to work.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience here, Arianna – so helpful to hear how you made plans and then adjusted them as necessary. So glad you were able to figure out a good gradual transition, even while re-evaluating the 4-month plan.
I’ll also add (with my researcher hat on here) that the countries that both the best maternity care and maternal-health outcomes, have much longer leave policies — a year — typically, and the social spending to support this.
Hear, hear. I think we’re moving in the right direction on this, but we’re not there yet. By a long shot.
I took 12 weeks of leave and my husband took 9 weeks concurrently with mine. Lots of people questioned why we didn’t choose to do it consecutively to postpone day care, but it really was best for our family. We both learned how to parent our son together and we were able to support each other. We both got to know what worked and didn’t work and we shared the good and the bad of those early days. I wasn’t really ready to go back at 12 weeks, but the 3 weeks I had off without my husband were challenging. Being a stay at home parent is hard and clearly not for me! I changed jobs a couple months after returning to work and the week I took off between jobs was the most enjoyable time with my son, probably because after having returned to work I better understood how special and rare that time together is.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful response, Devon. I totally get how learning to parent together and support one another early on is so important. Glad you were both able to take time off together.
I’m finishing up 12 weeks…I found out I was pregnant after accepting a new job, so didn’t have enough time ‘banked’ to be eligible for paid maternity, have much vacation/sick time, or even be eligible for FMLA. It was a stressful situation, so I feel fortunate to have even gotten this.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Karen, and best of luck with your return. Congrats on your new arrival, too!
Karen – thanks for sharing this here. I’m in a very similar position. I start a new job this upcoming week and will not be eligible for FMLA when my baby is due to arrive in July. I’m feeling nervous about telling my new employer my news. I’m glad to hear you were able to take 12 weeks off and still have a job to return to. Congratulations on the arrival of your baby!
With my first child I took 12 weeks. Over the last few years I’ve seen more and more women at my company take 14-16 weeks. With my second I decided to ask for 14 weeks and my supervisor graciously agreed. There was something about those two extra weeks that was really good for me – knowing at 12 weeks I could be going back but wasn’t and also being able to spend more time with my baby girl once she was more interactive. I definitely agree with taking as much time as you can! If you ask for extra time and decide you’re ready to go back earlier I highly doubt your employer would turn you down.
Thanks for sharing, Kelly! And great point that you could always go back sooner if you were ready.
I took 4 months, as I was lucky to get this paid by my employer. I was ready to go back, though, as I enjoy my career. However, what I didn’t expect was how little time I have with my daughter during the week, since her bed time is around 6-7 pm, and I wish that I could only work part time.
That is lucky, Kendra. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. The good news about those really early bedtimes is that in the scheme of things, they don’t last that long. She’ll be going to bed around 7:30/8 before you know it. Hang in there, mama.
I took 6 months with my first. At the time my law firm offered 4 months paid maternity leave for associates. It was common practice for women (partners and associates) to take 6 months. With vacation and sick time, all but my last week was paid. I am very grateful for that 6 months and know how fortunate I was to have that as paid leave. It never crossed my mind to take less than the 6 months. I returned immediately to full time and felt ready to get back to work. Now the firm offers 6 months paid maternity leave and a 6-month part-time phase in after that. I am pregnant with my second and this time I am more carefully considering how long to take and/or whether to take advantage of the new phase-in period. I loved those 6 months with my first but it absolutely had an impact on my career. The firm’s generosity with maternity leave is disconnected with how work actually gets assigned and people get promoted and rewarded. This is not acknowledged (and in fact denied by many) and a very complicated issue. I will probably still take 6 months. That is time that I will never get again. But my eyes are wide open that there is a career-cost to that decision.
Really appreciate your thoughtful reflections here, Rose. Thanks so much for sharing and for pointing out some of the dynamics that tend to be in play in the law firm setting.
My company’s standard is 12 weeks, and that’s what I took. I wish I’d taken a few weeks longer, and one of the reasons I didn’t was that I didn’t really understand how different my baby would seem to me at 16 weeks than she did at 12 weeks: sturdier and more interested in the world and able to be distracted. I figured it would always be hard to go back — which I’m sure it is! — and I should just get it over with, and I wish I’d been gentler with both of us, even though of course we made it through fine in the end. The one upside: I was so unhappy being away from her so much that I successfully requested more flexibility to work from home, which made a HUGE difference in terms of my happiness and also made nursing much easier in the early months.
I am in the middle of returning to work 3 days a week after having 14 full weeks off. The week leading up to going back part time was very emotional for me, but once I got one day under my belt, I felt a lot better. I am anticipating the 5 days a week schedule to be challenging, but I’m so thankful for the time I had off- fully paid because I was able to save up enough vacation and sick leave.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, Britta. I am a huge fan of the ramp-up period, too!