My friend Alexandra Hughes, a wise coach, tells mamas: you can do it all…just not right now! As a goal-oriented, striving-to-be-less impatient, working mama, the last thing I wanted to hear when I went back to work after maternity leave was that somehow I couldn’t do it all. And do it all immediately. And well. Doing something at a baby pace? No way. Not for me.
But really, in my heart of hearts, I knew plans had to change. The pace of what I called “progress” on projects in my life had to change. I knew deep down, though, that slower could mean better. Deeper. Richer. And well-lived.
Before having my first baby and going back to work, there were lots of things I enjoyed doing and managed to find time for – including writing poetry. Then along came my first munchkin. And most non-essentials came to a standstill.
Somehow, though, when my baby was just under a year old, I managed to eek out this poem about my frustrations. I share it with you to say: YES. You CAN do those thing you loved before you became a mama. In slivers, and tiny bites, and pieces for now, and more later as your kids grow. And that for now, you can simply soak up and love – just love – the moments you’re in.
Baby Pace
With baby at home
I don’t find time
anymore
to write poems.
My first pen to paper
these ten months
is to write this lament.
But life with baby
IS poetry.
From the gurgling cadence
of his ba ba babbles
to rhymes and sighs and lullabys…
Fleeting nuzzles
in my neck;
we clap each other’s hands
for patty cake.
Moo ba la la,
the farmer said;
please, please little redhead
let’s go to bed!
So my poems
simply
will have to wait.
Words do no justice
to the angel skin
cuddle roo
magic giggles
or Big Love
anyway.
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I’m repeating that mantra (“you *can* do it all…just not right now!”) to myself so much these days. I knew I’d be giving up my personal activities (e.g., knitting, running, sleeping) a lot once our baby was born, but simultaneously, I thought I was going to kick into gear the homemaker side of me. But not only do I feel like I’ve given up the “extras,” but we’re just struggling to hold things together. Our little one finally started day care (we managed to keep her at home up until then), but of course is home sick 1/3 of the time …
My expectations were low to begin with, but I keep lowering them. I never, and I mean, never clean my house. Dishes get done because it’s either that or paper plates, which is where I draw the line. Toilets get cleaned every once in a while because, hey, that’s gross. Little to no holiday decorations or celebrations at our house (because our little one is too young to truly appreciate and remember these things).
But our struggle to get the bare minimum done goes beyond having a little one in the house. I’m been down a staff person at work for five months now, and I was already overloaded with projects, so I’ve been working overtime just to stay afloat. My husband works 60-70 hours per week. We’re actually evaluating little as well as major changes that would help us create a more sustainable–and enjoyable–life. And in the meantime, trying to be present and make the most of our interactions and time together; living deeper, richer, well-lived. Please wish us luck!